Did people start treating me differently after the accident?
I have to start with a disclaimer: The article is strictly about my own opinion or my own point of view. I also want to highlight that I am sure that most people had great intentions behind their actions, they simply didn’t know how it would feel for me.
I don’t have the best memories from right after the accident. The first two months after are basically gone, and then it starts with a few blurry memories. The first real one I can remember was created right after the surgery. The pain was bad, extremely bad. It didn’t get better with the hours passing by. I asked for pain medication. And then for more. I don’t remember the exact pain but I remember that I had never experienced a pain like that before. What I then remember was a nurse asking: “Are you always behaving like this?” I remembered the complete bewilderment it triggered in me. Then anger. Then sadness. This was definitely not the kind of encouragement I needed after such a traumatic accident, and my first surgery.
This honestly scared me for what’s to come.
In the first rehab I stayed at, I was the youngest- by far. The nurses there were happy to have me around, since I was one of the only ones they could talk to a bit more normally and also joke around.
After that, I got to spend one week at home. My parents treated me with veery soft hands, they were extremely helpful and did a lot for me. Then, next rehab. Kinda the exact same. I was- once again the youngest, so the therapists actually told me that it is nice to have someone younger around. They pitied me, a lot, but that is how I started to manifest “It is what it is”, by constantly saying how lucky I was.
5 weeks later, I could finally go back home for good. Then Covid came around, meaning I couldn’t meet up with many people which I didn’t mind at that time. Of course, with the months going by, I met up with many of my friends, talked to many people, in the following are a few specific reactions I remember happening:
“Lucky you that Covid is around now. Now you don’t have to watch other people living life plus you are less affected than others, since you cannot do anything anyway”.
At the beginning I guess I somewhat agreed with this statement. However now, I am totally disagreeing with it. While Covid triggered a lot of stress for everyone of course, it certainly triggers a lot more stress and problems for people who are sick and injured. By saying this, I felt like they are invalidating my situation.
I regularly had to go on walks and observing other people’s reaction was interesting, even funny sometimes. What was especially interesting was that kids as well as dogs would just stare at me. Older kids would then ask their parents, wondering why I have 4 legs instead of just 2. Many people started asking questions. Especially the elderly then equipped me with advice that they learnt from their past injuries.
One remarkable thing I experienced, was, that people seemed to be a lot more patient with me, and a lot nicer.
I collected so many more smiles when I walked around with my crutches compared to before my accident.
That was definitely uplifting!
Hanging out with friends became a bit more complicated. We would often reminisce, and the only one who couldn’t remember the fun we had in the past was me. After I explained them more about my brain injury they of course understood, however, I am not sure if they really did. Besides, just playing a simple card game could be frustrating since my brain just didn’t work as fast as others. They didn’t make fun of it. But they also wouldn’t mention it. Which probably made it even more difficult. None of them had experienced my kind of injuries before, so they simply cannot grasp losing memories for instance, or the brain just shutting off once it’s too tired. I am not mad about it.
At the beginning I was jealous of their innocence, jealous of them now knowing what recovery means and feels like.
If I had to synthesize the way in which people treated me it would be with the word shallow. They logically understand the things I explain, the problems I experience. But to a shallow degree. People say they know and understand me, but I know that in some ways, they don’t. But in many ways, I cannot fault them for that. They can’t fully internalize an experience they haven’t gone through. And beyond all that, they have lives that occupy their brain’s capacity. I feel this article is me complaining but what I want to say is that people should endeavor to feel deep empathy for the ones they care for. Deep empathy is uncomfortable, it’s intrusive, to feel the feelings of someone else is almost socially wrong. But we need those people, the ones who endeavor to feel what we feel, who speak up for our pains they know we have, who bring up our brain injuries because it’s already in the air, who ask if we’re okay, who consider others alongside themselves. We all need more of this, including me, including you, it’s essential.
